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Omar had a childhood friend in town last Tuesday from Tegucigalpa and we got to talking about the upcoming elections in Honduras. Like in so many places, things have been politically tense back in the homeland. We finally brought the conversation around to our need to grapple with walking the talk—how do we actually live out the values that we say are important to us?
This conversation has stuck with me all week and, as it turns out, our assigned bible passages from the lectionary give us three powerful stories of folks being called back to their highest values. But first I need to explain a core of why I care a lot about this:
Something that can be challenging for me as a parent is apologizing to my kids. I don’t mean the kind of “oops, I stepped on your foot” kind of apology, I mean the “that didn’t go well” or “I lost it” kind of apology. Often, when I’m impatient my reaction is compounded by a lot of things: maybe, I’ve got a lot on my mind, or I’m also trying to make dinner, or feeling frustrated I didn’t have time for a jog that day. Maybe the child-sized problem seems absurdly trivial to me at the moment.
I use all of this to try to rationalize why I lost it and why it doesn’t matter if I admit I messed up, especially to a child.
The problem is—of all the humans I adore in this world, these two little people are my number ones and I want them to have my best. The other problem is, they also see me stand up in front of you and talk about Jesus. One time during dinner, I made an uncharitable remark about someone. This is a true story and I honestly don’t remember anymore the thing I said, what I do remember is my child looking at me with big eyes and saying the words, “mama. Jesus says we’re supposed to love our enemies.”
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Have you ever had a moment where you realize that you believe yourself to be one thing and then, your actions just don’t add up? Or there’s a gap between who you say you are and how you act? A gap in integrity? Our bible stories today list off three situations where there is a gap between who the person is and who they could be.
1.
Psalm 51 is a famous song of King David’s. King David has been confronted by Nathaniel—the prophet of the Lord—about a particularly bad and shameful situation in his life: He had an affair with his friend’s wife--a friend who also happens to work for him. Then he kills his friend to try to cover the scandal up. The prophet Nathaniel tells David this clever story to help him see that his actions do not match his values. David receives it and repents. In his psalm we just read, he says: “I know my sin, I’ve done what’s evil in your sight…create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
David, the great king of Israel is exposed: Turns out ,that living with integrity requires confession.
2.
In today's gospel story from Luke 15, a whole interesting slice of people has come to hear Jesus’ teachings: he’s got tax collectors and sinners along side of religious leaders (like me). Think church goers (like you): You know, upright, moral people who are in many ways good. Problem is the religious folks are “grumbling” and talking smack about how Jesus is hanging out with people at the bottom of the moral barrel. Like tax collectors.
In response Jesus tells a trilogy of stories about things that have been lost: A shepherd has lost his sheep, a woman has lost her coin, a father has lost his prodigal son. We don’t hear the story of the prodigal son in today’s reading but it’s part of Jesus' three-part series. And if you recall, in that prodigal son story, the older, upstanding brother is furious and grumbling that his wildly irresponsible, immoral brother got a party thrown for him. (Just like those grumbling religious folks).
Jesus says, in essence, to those upstanding religious leaders who are quite sure they’re in the right: “you talk a good talk about love and neighborliness but it’s not matching your actions. When you’re judging and whispering and grumbling in the corner over there you’re not walking the walk. You need to live with integrity.
Turns out, even those among us who seem the most upright, mess it up and need repentance too.
If David’s story is about personal failure, Jesus’ parables are about communal failure. And then comes the boldest example of all from the book of Exodus 32;
3.
The ancient Israelites, have made a golden calf and God is furious. So furious, in fact, that God is ready to destroy the people, start over and build a new nation with Moses. But just as God is about to blow his stack, Moses implores him: “Hang on a second! you made a promise, Lord!! A covenant! You promised Abraham, Isaac and Israel that you would multiply their descendants and make them a great nation! Your actions are not matching what you said!!”
Moses calls God back to this best version of Gods' self--this is bold! He calls God to act with integrity. And, startlingly, God hears Moses, receives it, and corrects course!
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In our modern culture, admitting we’ve made a mistake and acknowledging our error is hard. When people admit a wrong, we don’t tend to throw them a party like the father did for his lost, prodigal son. Instead we double down. We shame, we cancel, we dismiss or exclude folks. We kick it back at them.
No wonder repentance feels so hard. Admitting you messed up is like admitting you’re weak. Or incompetent. Or uncertain. Or even that you have some kind of deep character flaw. Admitting that we are lost to ourselves and that our actions might not line up with our values is hard and humbling--even embarrassing. And then the effort required to mend the error can be demanding.
But is repentance always about feeling bad?
The point of all this is not to feel shame or to go hide under a rock. The point is to be found and restored. The point is to get to wholeness and integrity.
True repentance leads to a place where the values we cherish actually line up with our behavior. And I think God wants this for us. Jesus wanted it for everyone who was listening to his teaching that day, including both the corrupt and hated tax-collectors and the noble and righteous religious folks grumbling and whispering in the corners. And he wants it for us.
I think God wants this so determinedly for us that he will search, as the shepherd, under every rock and in every valley until he finds the sheep, lays it on his shoulders and rejoices and rushes home to tell the village.
I think God wants this so fiercely that she will sweep the house top to bottom, looking between the floorboards and in every crevice until she finds the precious coin she’s lost and then calls the whole neighborhood over rejoicing.
I think God wants this so passionately that he will rush to embrace the lost son who returns and throw a huge bash to celebrate. It’s not the error that celebrated, it’s the courage to return from the error that is.
Nathan calls David back. Jesus calls the religious leaders back. Moses calls God back.
In each story, repentance isn’t just about guilt. It’s about courageously returning to the values we hold most dear – and restoring integrity.
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As a final point: we as a community have a roll in this too. Yes, we need to humbly self-reflect. We have also got to get better at creating space for people to courageously admit wrongdoing and then, instead of doubling down on them or writing them off, celebrate them or thank them for the courage to admit the wrong.
I realize it can be complicated. I realize wounds can run very deep. I know this process isn’t always simple. And, I also realize that it’s a whole lot easier to exercise patterns of resentment, rancor, judgement and stubbornness, instead of patters of listening and grace or repentance and humility.
All over scripture, we see patterns of someone making a mistakes, humbly addressing it, confessing, repenting, and then, the restoration of the person, scars and all.
How else can we fix communities if it’s not through this pattern? How else do we we fix broken relationships, if not listening, dialogue, understanding, pulling ourselves back to our best selves and pulling each other back.
Our faith calls us to live with integrity. We’re called to examine our behavior, courageously admit when we’re not lining up, living according to our values, and step back into the circle.
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I’m working on apologizing to my kids when I make a mistake. (God’s working on a few other things in me too.) You’re working on your own places of alignment.
Sometimes it’s the sin of things we have done that need attention and sometimes the things we have left undone. It’s all a work in progress—but, aren’t we all works in progress?
Thanks be to God that through it all--as we’re lost and found and restored--we are so very beloved to God.
